June/July 2025 Print - Aging Care Matters

Helping a parent navigate widowhood

If your parent is widowed, it’s a new world for both of you. How do you care for them in their grief and their totally new life of singlehood? And take care of your own grief, too? Widowhood often affects men and women differently in social life and daily tasks, but loneliness and disrupted routines are universal challenges. And researchers have found a powerful “widowhood effect”: a highly increased risk of mortality within three months of a spouse’s death. Yikes! Here are some ideas on how to provide support at this time.

Learn about grief. Grief can have physical, emotional, and even cognitive ramifications. And it’s different for everyone. But one thing is true—it takes time. And it often comes in waves or bursts, sometimes out of the blue. Prepare for holidays and anniversaries to be especially tender.

Show up. Be a presence in their life, whether by phone or in person. Show curiosity and care. Rather than a vague “How are you?” ask, “What part of the day feels hardest?” or “Would you like company for dinner tonight?” Share your memories and what you miss about the person. Saying something like “I keep thinking about how she hummed while cooking” or “I miss watching games together” creates a space where grief is shared rather than endured alone.

Help rebuild. Unplanned days, evenings alone, and an empty house can be difficult adjustments. Friends may assume your parent needs space. Or your parent may feel awkward reaching out. Try video chat dinners, simulcast TV watching, or regular outings together. Talk about which friends they might reach out to. Gently offer ideas for broader social engagement. For instance, they might join a class or return to a religious or spiritual community. Or volunteer with a local organization. Or find a group for their hobby.

Support overall well-being. New solo-life routines can help develop healthier sleep, eating, and exercise patterns. Also review the basics of running a household, especially if they have never lived alone before. Encourage your loved one to catch up with any overdue health checkups. Perhaps look for a local grief or widow-support group. Maybe even help them adopt a pet for companionship.

As you support your parent, acknowledge your own loss and seek outlets for your emotions. By showing up for yourself, you’ll be better equipped to be there for your parent.

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Preparing for cataract surgery

If your loved one is having cataract surgery, that’s good news! It’s a common, quick outpatient procedure that can significantly improve their vision and thus their quality of life. That said, multiple steps are involved where you might need to provide support.

Before surgery. Most people do one eye first, then the other weeks to months later. Roughly one week before surgery, your relative will be examined by the doctor to determine the appropriate type of new lens to implant. They may also be given antibiotic eye drops to use presurgery to prevent infection. Eye drops can be tricky to manage, so expect that you or another caregiver may need to help.

The day of surgery. Make sure your relative follows presurgery instructions concerning food and medications. The procedure itself generally takes about thirty minutes and is painless. But with prep and monitoring afterward, it’s usually several hours total. Make sure to get clear aftercare instructions prior to discharge. And ensure they have a ride home from you or someone trusted, not a taxi.

After surgery. Review the doctor’s discharge instructions. The usual instructions include that for a week or so, they should avoid bending over (putting on socks!), lifting heavy objects (what chores might they attempt?), or rubbing their eye. The doctor will likely provide a protective shield to wear at night. And they should use wraparound sunglasses outdoors to protect against dust and bright light. They may also need to use special eye drops. Showering is okay after twenty-four hours if they can avoid getting the eye wet. You or another caregiver may need to stay with them for a day or two to help them follow the protocol.

Your loved one may experience mild itching, redness, and discomfort for a few days. That’s normal. Watch for infection or persistent pain. Contact the doctor if anything seems off.

Plan for one or two immediate follow-up visits to check healing. Then, cultivate patience. It may take weeks or months for noticeably improved vision.

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What is a prepaid debit card?

If your loved one has early dementia, you want to give them as much independence as possible, including with money management. This also means protecting them from pitfalls such as scams or overdrawn accounts. One option is to provide them with a “controlled spending” or prepaid debit card. To them, it will seem a basic credit card, but you’ll know that their spending is held to limits that you have predetermined.

More specifically, a prepaid debit card differs from a traditional debit card because it does not grant unlimited access to a bank account. Instead, you or your relative’s designated financial representative can add money as needed for planned expenses or to allow discretionary spending. It’s like a gift card, but you decide what limits should be in place to prevent overspending or cash withdrawals. When funds get low, you simply reload the card. Then you can be worry free while your loved one enjoys shopping, dining out, etc., independently.

Prepaid debit cards are available from major banks, but they don’t all offer the same benefits. Do your research before you sign up for anything! Here are some things to consider:

Set appropriate boundaries. Look for a card that gives you enough control to protect your family member. Think about blocking phone or online purchases to prevent overspending. You can also set transaction or cash-access limits to stop fraud or scams.

Create notifications. Some cards allow you to set up real-time spending alerts instead of waiting for a statement. You can even designate who can add money or authorize a helper/caregiver to use the card when making purchases for your relative.

Watch out for hidden fees. Some prepaid cards have fees for ATM withdrawals, online bill paying, monthly maintenance, or even infrequent use. Learn about and compare fees before choosing a card.

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